Track 17
by FNsjsjeneekndke
Summary: Working at a souvenir stand leaves you with you way too much time on your hands. That's why it's no surprise to find Mathias taking interest in the mysterious man that waits on Track 17 every night. However, it's definitely a surprise when he finds the man's reply to a hastily written, (totally not) creepy letter he wrote and secretly delivered on a whim the night before...
1. Danish Boxers and Flip Phones

**To The Man On Track 17,**

Do you come here often?

I know it sounds cheesy, but I mean it in the most literal way possible. It doesn't take a genius to realize that you're here everyday at the same time, with the same tie and briefcase and everything else.

Doesn't it get boring?

It must. I can't help but notice that you never smile. You could be talking to your dying grandmother for the entire five minute duration of your nightly phone call, but I know better than to write it off as that (before you say anything about me being creepy, I'll have you know that I work at the souvenir stand by the big map- I can't help but waste my time keeping tabs on the goings on of the surrounding area).

Maybe you're a secret agent or assassin or something, what with your shady shades and classy suit. The only problem with that theory is that this isn't an action movie and those professions require quite a lot of blending in.

What I'm getting at is that you stand out- at least, you did to me.

I can feel you scrunching your nose up at my letter so far, and though I do, admittedly, find that image very cute, I want to clear a few things up.

First- I am not in love with you. Even if I did call you cute a few sentences ago. Yeah, that's not a possibility. At all. _(Unless you're interested, that is)_

Second- Why the hell are you still using a flip phone? I mean, the early 2000's called, they want their phone back. Heh...because, you know, no one uses those any more unless they plan on throwing them out after one use.

OH MY GOD WAIT-

Are you a drug dealer?! I mean, that's cool and all, but seriously, if that really _is_ the case, you need to work on hiding it a little better. If _I_ can figure it out, anyone can.

Okay, so that's all I really can think of to write at this point, so I'm just gonna stop here. Yup.

Man, this is just awkward isn't it?

 **With totally not creepy regards,**

 **The Underpaid Employee with Too Much Time on Their Hands**

* * *

 **To The Underpaid Employee,**

It was quite a shock to find a crumpled flyer advertising "50% off ALL Danish flag boxers" in the pocket of my suitcoat. Could you really not find _anything_ else to express your more-than-slightly creepy stalker feelings on?

And before you attempt to protest that you aren't creepy _or_ a stalker, just think about this- you managed to sneak a shoddily written letter about how your intentions are anything but creepy into my briefcase without being noticed. Yes, you are creepy, and yes, you could most definitely be considered a stalker.

I will admit, albeit grudgingly, that I do feel inclined to answer your questions, for some odd reason.

Your first query is far too idiotic to be answered for the second time. You already answered it yourself in your letter to me, but yes, I do come here often. In fact, most people ride trains when they can't walk or drive, idiot.

It does not, in fact, "get boring". Like other people, I use the train to get home from work every day. I knew there would be a long commute when I applied, and trust me when I say I've felt boredom far beyond that of a short wait for the last train of the night.

While I'm on the subject of jobs, let me confirm that I am not a secret agent, an assassin, or a drug dealer. I work at a failing law firm, which is just about as exciting as it sounds. I almost envy your position.

My grandmother is already dead so no, I'm not on the phone with her every day. I never smile because there is no reason to smile, especially since I now have to worry about the "early 2000's wanting their phone back".

That was sarcasm if you didn't get that. I highly doubt you did. You seem like the slow type.

 **I am not and will never be interested in you,**

 **The Man On Track 17**

* * *

 **TBC (hopefully :/ you've got an unreliable writer on your hands)**

I resisted long enough, but here I am. Writing fanfiction about gay anime countries. AND GOD, AM I EXCITED TO DO THIS!1!

This was originally a journal write for my creative writing class, but as I continued it, I couldn't resist making it into a Denmark x Norway fic... the scenario just fit so well XD

Please don't hesitate to review and all that mess. I hope you enjoyed~


	2. Norwegian Notebooks and Mute Swans

**To The Beautiful Lawyer of Track 17,**

Dang. I didn't actually think you'd reply, but you did and now I'm replying to your reply! I found your letter when I made it to work and let's just say you're really clever for shoving it in the tip jar! How'd you know that's where I go first...are you sure _you're_ not the stalker?!

What a twist :p

About the boxer advert- you'd think that a souvenir shop would have at least a small notebook to write on, but apparently that's not a thing. That being said, wasn't just a letter from me to you-it's a suggestion. Buy the boxers- they're great deal for something with the super cool Danish flag on it~

Oh man, I can just picture you wearing them. So. Sexy. You, not the Danish flag- though it's sexy by association, I guess.

Okay, I have to admit- that might've been a little creepy. Fortunately, the fact that you actually wrote back lets you know you're most definitely interested in little old me! I'm honored.

I can sense you rolling your eyes, but there's no point in denying it. Your closing statement was just as sarcastic as the rest of your letter- which was pretty damn sarcastic by any normal person's standards. You wouldn't have gone out of your way to answer all my questions if you weren't interested in the Amazing Dane (that's me!).

Hmm...What else did I plan on writing about...Oh, right-

I HAVE SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS. I'll only ask a few because I'm running out of space on this receipt paper I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed use. Eh. This job is temporary anyway.

I've established that the person you're on the phone with is not your dead or dying grandmother, but who _is_ the person you're talking to? Another dying family member? A persistent telemarketer? _A secret lover?_ (If so, I bet they smell like eggs.)

Anyway, you make being a lawyer sound really uninteresting (though that could just be how you write in general, to be honest). What makes it so bad? Are you a divorce lawyer or something? That'd be perfect low-budget romance movie material! I could totally play the college student who swoops in like a handsome and cheerful mute swan (Danish national bird FTW) and teaches you how to love again...

I'd write more, but I'm really running low on illegally-touched paper _and_ ink in this cheap pen (my manager is frugal unless some kind of alcohol is involved).

 **With as much love as someone can have when they haven't even had a legitimate face-to-face conversation with the person they're writing to,**

 **The Amazing Dane**

* * *

 **To The Idiot Dane,**

I'm writing this letter in the notebook I've decided to give to you. If you can only recognize the Danish flag (which, with what I know about you, isn't that hard to believe), I'll have you know that the cover art is actually _my_ country's flag. Seeing as you're surrounded by all things Danish, it really seemed like you needed something Norwegian in your life. Save your thanks.

On another note, I've officially come to the conclusion that you are the weirdest person I've met in my twenty-seven years. Who thinks to use a _mute swan_ as their bird-related simile for a rom-com archetype? You, apparently.

While I'm still on the subject of your dreams, I'm sorry to say that I'm about to crush them.

I am not a divorce lawyer. I work at a personal injury firm and my cases typically involve hit-and-run car accidents. Do you understand why I don't necessarily feel the need to smile now?

Why do you seem to be so happy? Though I've never had the likely displeasure of seeing you in person, writing is symbolic of the person behind it. You write with unnatural enthusiasm, yet you're employed at what I can only assume is a low-paying job and you take money from the tip jar before you've _actually worked_. This is why we can't have nice things.

And, aren't you a college student? What are you studying? Why _aren't_ you studying? You've made it very clear you're Danish, but legos and good beer can only get you so far.

I'm sorry. My brother always tells me I go overboard with the whole stern older brother approach. He's younger, but he might be right, at least in this situation. Which leads me right into answering your next question.

It's none of your business who I'm on the phone with, but I'm sure you won't let up until I tell you. Usually, I'm on the phone with aforementioned little brother, who had the genius idea of moving away to Iceland with his boyfriend he met online a few hours after graduating high school. Before you start, yes, my life _is_ exactly like some shitty drama you watch when you're avoiding your studies.

I would tell you more, but seeing as I don't know your name, let alone anything else about what kind of person you really are, that's not going to happen for a while.

On a final note, notice how I strategically ignored your comments about the boxers and my (lack of) interest in you? Since you think you know me so well, just guess my reactions. They're not positive.

 **With indifferent regards to your comments about potential love,**

 **The Man On Track 17**

* * *

 **STORY TBC (again, we shall see when 0.0)**

I'm having so much fun writing this. It's kind of hard to incorporate a plot when you plan to write in letter format the entire time, but a little challenge in my life is good for me :3

Thanks for following- it's really encouraging to know there are special people out there who have taken interest in what I have to say/write! I hope you all are enjoying this as much as I am XD

 _(And yes, the mute swan will return one day because I'm a dork that finds it too amusing not to.)_


	3. Permanent Markers and Terrible Puns

**To The Overprotective Big Brother of Track 17,**

Thanks for the notebook! I know you said to save my thanks, but I've always prided myself in my spending abilities…

So you're Norwegian? I actually visited Norway with my family when I was really little. It was the middle of winter and our luggage was lost until the last day of our holiday, but I guess you could say it was still pretty... _cool_.

Feel free to make whatever snarky remark you'd like about that pun. If I wasn't writing in permanent marker, I'd definitely take that back.

What's your favorite thing about Norway? And why'd you decide to move and get a job at a failing Danish law firm? You'd think that it'd be easier to find work closer to home, but whatever, it's your life. I'm just the persistent romantic interest, after all.

I'll have you know your letter made it totally obvious you want to know _all_ about me, so I'll write exactly what you requested. I'm gonna format it like what I think would happen if I had the super amazing chance of to meet you in person:

Me: "Hi! You're hot and I'm Mathias, can I get a name?"

You: *smacks me and walks away*

Pretty accurate, huh? In all seriousness, though- my name is Mathias Densen and you _are_ really damn attractive, in a snarky, mysterious kinda way. I'm twenty-one years old but- fun fact- I haven't celebrated my birthday since I was eleven. There's no real point after all- every day's a party when the Drinking Densen is involved!

How'd you guess I was a college student? Was it the youthful demeanor? The terrible part time job? The unrelenting enthusiasm that serves as my only cover from the oncoming tsunami of pain that is the adult world?

(It was at this moment that yours truly looked back to a day ago when he literally wrote "I'd be the college student that..." in yet another rom-com analogy and cringed. Really should've found something other than permanent marker to write with.)

Anyway, back to all your questions about college. Your tone was definitely "genuinely concerned", but I promise you, there's no need to worry about my wellbeing! I work because I need the money for normal stuff, like food, alcohol, and a freaking cool battle axe I found at a museum (it may seem unnecessary, but trust me, freaking cool battle axes are _always_ necessary). And I _do_ study, just in short sessions with long breaks in between, most of which involve writing to you or drinking my German friend under the table (oh, what a life~). I'm an International Studies major, but I really want to make a living writing epic tales of fantasy and adventure! It fits, I think.

Alright, so I actually have a customer (it's a once in a night shift occurrence) and, coincidentally, the final question for this letter- do you bake? You look like you can bake.

 **Sorry for that terrible pun earlier,**

 **The Drinking Densen**

* * *

 **To The Dumbass With A Less-Than Discreet Drinking Problem,**

You've confirmed something I should've already known- that you are a complete and utter idiot. _Permanent marker_? Really? Was there really not a pencil in sight that could've saved you (and me) from that abomination you call wordplay?

No matter. The rest of your letter wasn't nearly as cringe-inducing as I had expected, which I'll reluctantly commend you for. Just this once. I have to admit I feel a little more comfortable replying to you now that I know your name and a small amount about you, so it's only polite that I tell you my own "abridged life story"

I'm Lukas Bondevik. I am, indeed, Norwegian, and I decided to move here for reasons I'd rather not disclose at this point. I took a job at the first firm I found with an opening, and I feel as though I have an obligation to stay there as a result. I enjoy baking and do it when I find time to.

I believe that's enough to keep you from imploding with curiosity- if it isn't, then that's an utter shame, because I don't plan on revealing anything else about my personal life.

Your "first meeting" scenario is accurate to the point that I might have to rethink my theory that you lack awareness of your obnoxious way of speaking (or writing, in this case). Do you introduce yourself to everyone using that technique? That would explain how you can so easily predict what transpires as a result...

It may seem like it, but I'm not at all "genuinely concerned" about you or your college career. As I said before, it's purely brotherly instinct and has nothing to do with your immature way of viewing the world. Even so, I'll leave you with this piece of advice. If you want to become an author, you need to stop procrastinating by drinking yourself into oblivion and get to studying. Speaking of which, why are you in International Studies? If nothing is holding you back, a change in majors might be in order.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm glad you enjoyed your visit to Norway. I'm sure you'll have the chance to return one day, hopefully with more control over when and where your belongings show up. Personally, I enjoy the scenery and the myths that dominate my country, though I'm sure you've lost all interest in what I have to say at this point.

 **I'll leave you to think about how you can irritate me in your next letter,**

 **Lukas Bondevik**

* * *

 **STORY TBC (I'm think getting the hang of this *knocks on wood*)**

Well, the hell on earth that is the school week is back for another five days. I'm feeling it, but I'll attempt to power through the ultimate essence of suffering that is AP Euro history homework to update this story regularly! Wish me luck!

In other news- Wowwowowowowowowow! I got some amazing reviews yesterday that made my night (and basically all of today, who am I kidding...) and all I have to say is THANK YOU! I've never felt so motivated to continue a story in my life, and this is coming from someone who literally bangs their head on a keyboard for three hours in the hope that maybe, just maybe something good will come out of it XD

Thanks again for following, favoriting, and reviewing! Until next time~


	4. Reckless Roommates and More Puns

**To The Lukas(!) On Track 17,**

Today is history in the making, because I'm writing this letter while you're in my line of sight! Maybe I'll even be able to deliver it to you in person! You're sitting on a bench really close to me and can I just say that haircut is a mind-blowingly amazing look for you? Totally _not_ something I'd expect from a grumpy lawyer who wears suits all the time, but cool all the same.

Thanks for giving me your "abridged life story"! Your name is really awesome, but I think I'm going to stick with the tradition of calling you "The [insert really noticeable characteristic here] on Track 17". So, if you want to, you can keep subtly insulting me in your opening. Before you make a snarky remark about me being an "oblivious idiot", I _do_ notice, but I find it really clever and endearing. Yes, your long term stealth mission of hurting me emotionally is a failure. Don't be sorry, it's better this way.

Let's get back on track- Track 17, am I right?

I have a pencil this time, but I still feel like I can't take that back, for some reason.

Anyway, it's good to know my intuition about you being a baker was right! If you can, you should totally make me some Norwegian goodies or whatever your speciality is. What's your favorite thing to make? Do you make anything with licorice? I actually really like licorice when it doesn't come from my deceivingly-innocent Finnish cousin (in-law? Whatever it's called, he's my cousin's husband).

Speaking of family, do you have family in Denmark? If so, do you live with them? If not, do you live with anyone? I own a house with two of my drinking buddies, but only one of them actually stays there regularly. He's German (Prussian?) and pretty cool, except when he disappears for a week and then shows up again, half-naked on his pissy brother's back- which happens way too often for his stays at home to be considered "regular". My other roommate is American and likes to irritate one of his professors by showing up at his apartment uninvited (I wouldn't ask, though I'm sure you really didn't care in the first place).

What I'm getting at is that I think I'll stick to the unassuming "I t _echnically_ live alone" next time someone asks.

Thanks for the advice- I don't think I'll change my major, though. I really do enjoy International Studies, especially since I've made tons of friends from all over the world! Writing is really more of a glorified hobby than anything else and I'm sure I'll find a more convenient chance to share my stories someday.

Also, for someone who keeps trying to convince me that you aren't concerned for my wellbeing, you're really doing a good job of making me feel like you do. I didn't think it was possible, but I think I like the deeply-hidden "genuine Lukas" more than the surface "emotionless ice queen Lukas"! Ice or not, you're still pretty… _chill_...in my book.

 **I'm going to end this before it gets worse,**

 **The Abominable Wordplay Snowman**

* * *

 **To The Idiot That Doesn't Know What An Eraser Is,**

I would say something about the puns, but I'm sure you are basking in shame well enough without my help. Now that we've confirmed your inevitable shame, I can move on to more important things, like the fact that you were somehow close enough to complement my haircut and I _still_ didn't see you delivering my letter to its usual spot in my coat pocket.

That brings up a question that's been on my mind since I made the mistake of replying to your first letter- how _do_ you deliver your letters without handing them to me in person? I have the advantage of the morning train and the tip jar, while you're confined to a stand for the entirety of my nightly wait on Track 17. I hate to admit it, but I believe this means you've sparked my... _interest_. Don't get too excited- I'm only interested in your mysterious letter delivery methods, not you.

To answer your most recent bombardment of mildly personal questions- I don't have any family in Denmark and I live alone. I'm not unhappy with that arrangement, especially after hearing about the two hot messes you call "roommates". They seem to fit your personality all too well.

I enjoy baking cakes and other things that can accompany coffee, since it makes up about 85% of my diet. I can definitely make something with licorice, seeing as it's my brother's all time favorite snack. That being said, I haven't made anything of the sort in quite a while, since he decided it was in his best interest to leave the country without telling me.

I'm sure if you had siblings, you'd have notified me in some irritating way by now, so I can only assume you have no idea what it feels like for a brother to completely abandon you and everything you worked so hard establishing with them. I'd be lying if I said it didn't sting at first, but I'm sure he had a good reason. I've said too much at this point and it's getting hard to write with the train's movement, so I'll leave you to thinking about how you can manage to swindle me of more personal information in your next letter.

 **Until the inescapable next time,**

 **Lukas Bondevik**

* * *

 **STORY TBC**

Things are heating up and getting more serious and I still manage to make terribly corny puns. It's a gift. Making not-so-subtle references to other characters and pairings must also be a gift, since there's like six in this chapter...what can I say? I'm a dork who enjoys writing about dorks, especially of the "personified country" variety :3

You all are still blowing me away with your amazing reviews, so I hope I'm keeping you all interested and amused! (that sorta rhymed XD) Thanks for following, favoriting, and enjoying this story in general- it never ceases to make me smile!


	5. Licorice Cake and Emotional Jogging

**To The Ice Queen On Track 17,**

I have so much to tell you today, but I don't know where to start…hmm.

Ah yes (I sound like my English language professor)- you decided to sit somewhere different today, but I can still see you from over here, so that's cool- Oh! You just looked my way! I'm gonna wave and see if you wave back.

You just glared (your eyes are _blue_!). It's gonna be Ice Queen Lukas today, isn't it? Wait- maybe you were just squinting to see if you could get a better look at me! Are you absolutely _sure_ you aren't interested in me? I probably sound really desperate, but I don't plan on leaving you alone until you admit it. And you thought you were in the clear...

Well, at least I have confirmation that you're interested in _something_ concerning me- my mysterious letter delivery methods. Would you believe me if I told you I had a stealthy carrier pigeon do it for me? That's not the case, but it'd be really cool if it was :p.

Anyway, let's just say I have my ways...a magician never shares his secrets! (Hint: Ber, my cousin, says I have "theiv'n fing'rs", whatever that means...)

I think I heard (read?) a little bit from Genuine Lukas in your last letter. It sounds like you miss your little brother a lot, and even though I don't have any siblings, I know how it feels to have someone you love up and leave one day. Of course, in my case it was something I could've totally prevented. As you said, your brother probably had a good reason to go out on his own, so you don't need to blame yourself or him for anything, I guess.

If you need some kind of coping mechanism, I find that going deep into a forest and brutally hacking down branches and tree bark with a freaking cool battle axe really helps me vent when I need it. Since I don't think you have a freaking cool battle axe readily available (which is an absolute _crime_ ), I'd recommend some emotional jogging- nothing like some sweaty and teary physical activity to ease the soul.

But...something tells me neither of those suit your style.

Oh! You should try to get in contact with your little bro more! From what I've seen (and assumed, but whatever), you two share the habit of being all emotionless and stoic, so I'm guessing he probably misses you just as much as you miss him.

Damn. I was rereading this and I just realized how supportive I sound. Ten points for Mathias!

 **Good luck with talking to the Baby Bondevik Brother,**

 **The Extra-Supportive and Knowledgeable Mathias Densen**

* * *

 **To The Idiotic and Admittedly Supportive Mathias Densen,**

I have to, quite reluctantly, thank you for your support. I wasn't feeling my best yesterday as it was the anniversary of something I'd be more than happy to forget, and as a result I revealed more than I would've liked. Thank you for handling it well and not at all like an idiot (as I have come to expect from you). Also, for future reference, my little brother's surname is not Bondevik, but Steilsson.

It's a long and unnecessarily complicated story.

I'm still not in _any way_ interested in you, but I do have quite a few concerns about your preferred "coping" mechanism. Is hacking things with a battle axe even legal? Where did you manage to find a forest in the middle of the city? Most importantly, did the Viking tales you were told as a child get to your head? You are not a Viking, even if you _are_ Danish. It's the 21st century.

I still find it creepy not knowing how your letters manage to make it into my jacket pocket, but I assume I'd find it even more creepy if actually knew what your cousin meant by "thieving fingers". Even if you can, don't bother explaining. I don't really care to know, especially when there's no denying you'll manage to fit either an innuendo or another horrid pun into it somehow.

In other, rather personal, news you seem to find akin to mindless entertainment:

I made some licorice cake yesterday to honor your request. It was relatively good, albeit a little burnt around the edges (which, now that I think about it, fits the situation perfectly). Before you ask the inevitable- I didn't bring you any. First- it'd require far too much effort to attempt to transport a slice along with my usual work materials on a moving train. Second- there's no way it'd make it through a day at the firm without being eaten by my snoopy, gluttonous coworkers.

If you don't remember, I call my brother every night. On my ancient flip phone. All I can say is that there's a reason I'm only on the phone for about five minutes each night. He hangs up as soon as he hears my voice. At least you tried to help our situation, I guess...

On a lighter note- were you waving from the souvenir stand last night? Your appearance was most definitely not what I had been picturing. I couldn't get a good look at most of your features, but that doesn't mean what I _could_ see wasn't judged. Does your hair stand up like that naturally? Is the red button-up shirt a work uniform?

 **I thought you'd be shorter,**

 **Lukas**

* * *

 **STORY TBC**

Chapter five, everybody! I've been posting daily, which is a miracle sent to me personally from the first-time fanfiction gods. Let's hope it continues... *knocks on wooden bookshelf*

In reply to a certain precious reviewer soul's definitely-not-too-fangirly speculation- All I can reveal is that there will be plenty of opportunities for Mathias to make a fool of himself over Lukas in future chapters ;3

What are you all thinking so far? Feel free to let me know! I figuratively live for your favorites, follows, and reviews (and the beauty that is Alfred the Great, but that's not the point.)! I hope you're enjoying~

UPDATE: I've fixed some continuity errors pointed out by another precious reviewer soul! Thank you for pointing it out!


	6. Honey Badgers and Space Operas

**To The Obviously Curious Man On Track 17,**

Reading your letter made me super giddy this morning because it's obvious now- you _were_ trying to get a closer look at me yesterday! Needless to say, I was pretty excited, so I forced my hungover roommate Gilbert to read it and confirm that it was actually real. He just grumbled something about not waking him up until the light stopped punching him in the face, which was basically what I'd expected. Whatever- I don't need a second opinion to know you're into me :)

So, to answer your questions about the handsomeness that is me, my hair is naturally awesome like that and the red button-up is definitely a work uniform (which I sleep in just to disrespect what it stands for). Literally all I have to do to get ready for work if I don't have classes is wake up (at 17:30, because who needs regular sleep schedules?), brush my teeth, and ride my bike to the station! Man, self-styling hair is the greatest genetic gift someone can receive…

I mean, besides being effortlessly beautiful, which you could totally be the poster boy for if you wanted to.

Sorry about the whole "call your brother, because it's not like you already try that everyday, emphasis on _try_ " thing. At least you still have me to exchange letters with, right? Speaking of that- I'm glad you've started to open up to me, even if you don't like to admit that that's actually happening. It is, and I think we'll both come out better because of it. Dang, that sounded really wise, didn't it? You can call me Grand Master Mathias from now on.

Just so you know, I am absolutely _not okay_ with you not bringing me any licorice cake. Did you eat it all yourself, or did you- it hurts to even think of this as a possibility- _throw it out_? It might've taken some extra effort, but you should've stepped out of your whole "honey badger don't care" attitude for a day and brought me the rest of that cake. Then you could've come home with me, met Gilbert and Alfred (because he was actually home for once), and we'd all share the cake and some beer. Nothing like getting drunk with people you just met to cure some chronic loneliness!

Too far? I think I'm getting a little too confident now that I know you are genuinely curious in what I have to contribute. I'll try to tone it down a bit, just for you.

I want to know more about the mysterious little brother! What's his first name? How old is he? Does he look like you? Why is his last name Steilsson? Even if it's a long and "unnecessarily complicated" story, I'm totally down to hear all about it.

I know you well enough now to know it's probably not going to happen via letter, but that just gives me all the more reason to one day meet you in person!

 **I'm sure it'd be love at first (close up) sight,**

 **Grand Master Mathias**

* * *

 **To The Naive Young Padawan Mathias,**

And you thought I wouldn't catch that subtle Star Wars reference and find a way to throw it right back in your face. Yes, like almost everyone else in the world, I do enjoy a good epic space opera from time to time. Don't look so surprised.

For what seems like the fiftieth time, I must repeat that _I am not and will never be interested in you_. I don't plan on meeting you in person and I definitely don't plan on getting drunk with you and those horrible influences you call roommates. However, truly understanding why I feel obligated to reply to each of your letters demanding more information about you seems impossible at this point, so I assume I'll just have to get used to it.

The whole "revealing personal information through letters to a complete stranger" thing, not you insisting that I'm actually intrigued by you.

Of course, there's nothing like immediately contradicting myself after attempting to crush your hopes and dreams by answering all of your questions...

I'll have you know the licorice cake is still in my fridge. I plan on eating a slice of it for breakfast along with my first (but definitely not last) coffee of the day, because I'm a responsible adult. I can even attach a picture of the cake as it gets smaller with every passing day and watch you suffer...but I'll just consider that idea for now.

My brother's first name is Emil. Emil Steilsson. He looks very similar to me, though his eyes and hair are slightly lighter than mine. He's eighteen years old, which, in my opinion, is a number far too small for him to be permitted to live alone (stupid Asian boyfriend doesn't count) in another country. As for the last name, the shortest and easiest explanation is that we only share the same mother.

I feel like that's all I can disclose without completely breeching Emil's privacy, not to mention the fact that I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable revealing personal information in a letter when one: the receiver is an idiot, and two: I literally shove my letter in a _tip jar_ to "deliver" it. Who knows who could happen upon it before you pick it up?

And that's an absolutely horrible thought that will now stay with me until I die…

Speaking of a breach of privacy, please don't let anyone else read my letters without permission. No matter how hungover they may be (again, this "Gilbert" is a horrible influence), I'd rather they not delve into the low-budget soap opera that is my life without my consent. Heaven knows how you managed to receive it...

 **There's no such thing as love at first (up close) sight,**

 **Lukas**

* * *

 **STORY TBC**

...and more characters are fully revealed! You probably haven't caught too much of it yet, but things are about to go _down._ You'll see what I mean next chapter (which might involve a brief time skip, but we shall see) ;)

I'm still so happy to receive all your comments- they've inspired me and helped me improve my story, which is all I can really ask for without requesting the world on a silver platter. Thanks for the support and all the ways you show it!

Keep on reviewing, following, and favoriting- it's my fuel when I run out of chocolate and tea~


	7. Potential Lovers and Baby Brothers

**To The Slightly Sadistic Man On Track 17,**

The whole "daily licorice cake picture" idea is just cruel. I mean, I know I've been calling you the ice queen and all, but don't you think you're taking it a little too far? It'll be torture enough knowing that I'll never receive the blessing of tasting a slice of your hand-baked miracle, trust me.

Anyway, it seems like someone's been to Egypt, because you're totally showing me a picture of you in _denial._ And I have no apologies for that one, because it's not only clever, but totally true- you like me, even if you can't bring yourself to accept your feelings. Why else would you keep sending me replies even though your method inspired, and I quote, "a horrible thought that will stay with me until the day I die"?

One day your intense feelings of love for me will hit you in the face like a lightspeed baseball or something. That reminds me...

Man, it's so cool to think you like Star Wars! I honestly didn't see that coming- I totally thought you just played chess with yourself or something in your free time. What _do_ you do in your free time? I usually just drink with friends or bike around town, though my "Mind Lukas" is telling me you'd probably classify both of those under a single category of "stirring up unnecessary trouble".

Thanks for telling me about (possibly) little Emil! He sounds like an interesting dude and I can understand why you miss him so much (he's your little brother, so I'm pretty sure that's a requirement or something).

Speaking of missing someone, is it just me or did I completely miss the person in a wheelchair next to you every day before today? My gaze wanders your way a lot (Why wouldn't it? You're freaking gorgeous), but I've never seen anyone next to you until now. Do you know him? He's, like, really close to you even though there's an entire train station's worth of space around, so I'm guessing that's a yes.

If not, just give me the word and I'll execute my "Mathias' Magnificent Mute Swan Maneuver", which I think you've already been briefly introduced to- _on paper_ , that is. It's much cooler in action and may or may not involve some epic theme music, which means there's potential for great embarrassment on both our parts.

Anything keep you safe from creepy guys you might not know, my dear.

Seriously though...who is that guy?

 **If he's a potential lover, I bet he smells like eggs or something generally unpleasant like that,**

 **A Much Better And More Amazing Option**

* * *

 **To The Human Equivalent of The iTunes Terms and Conditions,**

The world must still be turning regularly, because even though something unbelievable occurred today, you are still your usual, obnoxiously prying self. I didn't intend on informing you about today's events, but since you noticed and took the liberty to ask, I might as well clear it up for you.

However, before I get to that, I believe some more dream-crushing is in order.

The licorice cake has been eaten. _Completely_. It's unfortunate news for both you and me, as I was looking forward to updating you on it's process in the most painful way possible. No matter- a few slices of cake lost isn't worth the trouble it takes to complain.

Your assumption about me playing chess was half right. I do play chess in my free time, but I haven't had a partner to play with since Emil left, so I usually opt for baking or reading. And before you get all excited because you've decided to rashly assume (yet again) that by "reading" I mean "reading you letters", I'll have you know I read _actual books_ , as well. They're far more enriching and immersive than anything I've received from you, seeing as most of your "writing" consists of either self-proclaimed titles for yourself or the worst puns my eyes have had the displeasure of witnessing.

Who the person in the wheelchair is ties directly into what I plan on revealing about today's occurrences, because they are the reason I actually have information to disclose to you at this point.

The person in the wheelchair is my dear brother. Yes, the eighteen year-old Emil Steilsson finally decided to come back after six months of nothing and explain himself. From what I understand, it took quite a look of coaxing on Leon's (aforementioned stupid Asian boyfriend) part, but he's here with plans to stay for another week and I couldn't be more thankful.

I guess Leon isn't as much of a careless, brother-stealing freak as I had originally thought (Just don't tell him that- I bet his ego is big enough as it is).

I'll admit I was absolutely furious when he first called me from the airport, but who wouldn't be at four in the morning on a workday? Once I saw him though, I was just happy to see my little brother again, safe and in one piece. The way his presence so easily affects my emotions makes me uncomfortable and writing about it makes it even more so, which is why I'm going to stop informing you about it now.

Please, take that as a lesson in self-control and learn when to _stop with the god-awful puns_.

 **Stop attempting to one-up my nonexistent lover, stupid,**

 **Lukas Bondevik**

* * *

 **STORY TBC**

Yup! Emil has literally _rolled_ into the story (I'll see myself out) and the elusive mute swan has returned, just as I promised! That's it for today's twist- no need to fret, there'll be plenty more where that came from~

Not what you were expecting? Exactly what you were expecting? Let me know!

Anyhow...thank you for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting! I would treat you all to a nice slice of Lukas's licorice cake if I could :)


	8. Lecture Letters and Thermos Beer

**To The Number One Dream Crusher On Track 17,**

 _Well damn._

I swear, if you could listen to what's running through my head right now, you'd hear a whole lot about me wanting a sandwich. Oh yeah, and a ton of jumbled syllables that can't be considered coherent speech due to the fact that your _own escapee brother_ has set foot- er- _wheel_ in Denmark without any warning. Mainly the sandwich thing, though.

Why, you may ask? I haven't had anything but beer from my bomb-ass Lego thermos since this morning and I'm kind of broke because I bought said bomb-ass Lego thermos. It's okay- I get paid tomorrow and plan to be responsible with the money for once. Emphasis on _plan_.

Since you have your brother here now, and I'm sure you're having the time of your life telling him off for six months worth of mistakes, so there's no need to letter-lecture me about my "irresponsible approach to life".

For some reason, I didn't picture your brother being in a wheelchair. Probably because you never really wrote anything that suggested he was, but that's not the point. OH MY GOD- maybe you didn't know he was in a wheelchair until last week _either_ …If that's the case, your life really _is_ like a shitty drama I watch to avoid adult responsibilities!

That being said, I'm really happy you're getting the chance to talk things out with your brother. How'd it go? Are you going to visit him in Iceland? Most importantly, what have you been doing with him for the past five days? I know you haven't been going to work (at least not by train) because I haven't been able receive _or_ reply to a letter since last Monday. Do you know how painful it's been without my daily dose of snarky reality?

Seriously, I think I'm going through Lukas withdrawals.

Looks like that's all over, though, because you and the Steil Wheel (yes, I'm going to call him that from now on) are waiting for the last train of the night just like always! I don't know if you noticed, but Emil caught my eye earlier, so I decided an enthusiastic wave was in order. I think your brother might have a problem with his thumbs or something, because all he did in return was stare at me and give me a thumbs down.

So yeah, I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but I can totally tell you two are brothers- even if you don't share the same father or whatever it is (your answers are really vague).

 **Please go back to your regular train schedule soon,**

 **A Letter-Lecture Addict That Needs His Fix**

* * *

 **To The Money Drain That Is Mathias,**

What is it with you and unnecessary purchases? First a battle axe and now a Lego thermos that you use to hold _beer_ for some reason...it only gets worse with you.

Anyway, Emil read your letter over my shoulder and he told me to tell you that he'll "rip your arms off and smack you with them" if you call him the Steil Wheel ever again. He also said that there's nothing wrong with his thumbs, he just "doesn't like your face" and thinks "it's obnoxious". For once, I'll thank you- you gave us the opportunity to bond over instinctually knowing you were an idiot from first glance.

You were correct in that I didn't work much this past week. When I did, it was from home, but that doesn't make it any less hellish. Though he leaves tomorrow, my time with Emil was... _interesting_...to say the least. We talked a few things over (most of which have left me questioning both of our past decisions), however most of our time was spent touring the area and resolving long-disputed chess matches.

Reuniting with Emil gave me a chance to rethink my job choice, and though nothing is set in stone at this point, there's a small possibility I may move sometime this year. Don't get too upset- I'm sure you'll find a way to annoy me no matter how long the distance between us may be. There's a reason I've only approached you through letters- and it's not because I'm afraid of falling in love with you upon our first meeting or whatever cliche excuse your brain has been formatting when you give it the chance.

Emil has been in a wheelchair since he was fourteen, so no, it wasn't a surprise to see him in that condition after a measly six months of being away from him. He was in a car accident. I believe you can fill in the blanks on the rest, seeing as your mind always goes to the most dramatic option as opposed to the more reasonable, rational one.

As you said in your last letter, my life "really _is_ a low-budget drama you use as an excuse for failing your courses". What? That's not what you said? But somehow, it still seems accurate. _Hmm._

I'm seeing my brother off at the airport tomorrow afternoon, so you'll have to live another day without "vague" answers to your impulsive questions about deeply personal topics. Also, don't refer to your unstable feelings as "Lukas withdrawals"- it's most likely hunger and idiocy clouding your brain, if anything.

 **Use your money wisely and return that battle axe,**

 **Lukas Bondevik (with some input from Emil Steilsson)**

* * *

 **STORY TBC**

Well...I hate to say it, but we're in the final stretch (two more projected chapters to go!). Can I just say that I'm really proud of thinking up the brilliance that is "the Steil Wheel"?

I know- I'm the ultimate dork. If I wasn't, there'd be no way you'd be blessed with the great expanse of cheesy puns and randomness that lays before you!

 _Translation: I'm so very sorry. Can't stop, won't stop. :)_

I hope you're enjoying! Thanks for reviewing, following and favoriting~


	9. Anus Essences and Dog Years

**To The Lovely And Lecture-y Lukas On Track 17,**

Thank you for telling me off about my "irresponsibility" again! It's kinda funny, because I really _did_ find myself missing that from you. Not anymore though, so you should totally stop now that we're writing regularly again. Seriously. Stop. I get it.

Doesn't mean I'm going to return the battle axe, though…

Fun Fact- Did you know that we've officially been sending letters back and forth for _three whole months_ now? That'd be like _four years_ if we were dogs! And yes, before you say it for me- I did look that up on Google. Anyway, that. is. so. cool. I never really thought you'd reply to my really creepy first letter (yeah...I've pretty much accepted that it was really creepy at this point), and I definitely didn't picture you replying to anything I sent your way after my first horrible pun, so I think this is a win!

Where was I going with that...oh, right. I'm really happy that you've decided I'm not a complete waste of your time, even if you say otherwise in basically every letter. Trust me- I _know_ you secretly care about me, or else you wouldn't bother lecturing me or answering my questions in the first place. So thanks, I secretly (well, not-so secretly, in my case) care about you too.

Even if you and your brother are freaking scary at times. Mainly your brother, though.

I mean, who immediately goes to the de-limbing threats when they're called something they don't like? Still, I'm happy everything is cool with you guys now- especially those unresolved chess matches. While I'm on the topic of your brother, are you a personal injury lawyer because of what happened to the Steil Wheel (he's not here, so I'm using it :P) four years ago? If so, that's some real family-style dedication _and_ you just got a million times more attractive to me.

I didn't think that was even possible…

Ahh. I'm very content right now. Almost too content- WAIT. ( _whoop, there it is…_ ) How did I almost miss that you might be _leaving me_?! WHAT IS THIS?!

Please tell me you're kidding because I haven't even gotten to try your licorice cake or hear your voice or take you on "Mathias' Mega-Awesome Danish-Style Denmark Tour" or prove that the Danish flag boxers _would_ look sexy on you and that. _WILL NOT_. DO! That won't do _at all_. All I need is confirmation that you're just being your usual condescending, sarcastic self so I can get back to being _my_ usual enthusiastic, youthfully-handsome self…And, if you _are_ kidding- you sir, are the essence of anus.

Well. I should close this up. Both my roommates are concerned for my emotional health because a few drops of epic Viking saltwater (totally not tears or anything) just so happened to roll down my cheeks.

 **They were totally tears, though,**

 **A Really Emotionally Distressed Mathias**

* * *

 **To The Overreacting Idiot With Major Self-Control Issues,**

I'm going to take a page from your book and tell you to "chill" (I will never forget your sin). I'm not kidding about relocating being a possibility for me, but there's no need to literally _cry_ over it. It's a _possibility_ , that's all. And, as I so courteously pointed out in my last letter, I'm sure you'd manage to stay in touch just a creepily as you do now. Our conversations have only ever been held over letter in the first place, anyway.

I do feel that some explanation is in order since you, being the simpleton that you are, can't seem to handle accepting an intentionally vague explanation. I did, indeed, rethink my career choice after Emil's accident, mainly because it most definitely _wasn't_ an accident. It never really is. I understood that all too well, and as a result, I've been practicing personal injury law ever since. I'd never dream of changing my entire profession, but if an offer of a better position at another firm comes along, I won't hesitate to take it.

I'm sure you'll be fine without me being your "Man On Track 17" if it does happen. Well, as fine as an idiot like you can be without outside intervention.

On a lighter note, why the _hell_ did you feel the need to provide an alternate form of measurement for how long it's been since I stupidly decided to begin replying to your letters? And in _dog years_? Really? You even had to look it up, which is absolutely unbelieveable- that is, if it wasn't _you_ I was talking about.

I also don't understand the point of notifying me of a random anniversary that holds no true value. The only true thing I'll be celebrating is the fact that I somehow managed to live this long without succumbing to the horrible thought that your "thieving fingers" slip a letter into my coat pocket every few days without me noticing.

Besides that, what is there to be happy about? You're still an overeager idiot, and I'm still the person who has to deal with it. However, since you find this to be of the greatest magnitude, I'll be sure to cut myself a huge slice of the licorice cake I baked this morning.

 _Hurrah._

 **I'll try harder to be less attractive to you,**

 **Lukas**

* * *

 **STORY TBC**

Of course...it wouldn't be a DenNor rom-com without some Mathias tears, am I right? _No?_ Well, at least he gets to live in this one...

(I'm looking at you, half of the DenNor fics out there)

Anyway- it's official- the next chapter will be the last for this story :( Don't worry- I'm working hard to make it a finale to end all finales! And...you never know- the rumors about a possible sequel might just be true ;)

Thank you all for your beautifully awesome reviews, favorites, and follows- they never cease to bring a stupid smile to my face! I hope you enjoyed~


	10. Mathias Densen and Lukas Bondevik

**To The Man On Track 17,**

It's been a week. _A week_.

How can you tell me to stay calm and then not show up for a _week_? I keep telling myself that you're just not going to work because you're sick or unable to move because you decided to eat all the licorice cake just to spite me, but I'm starting to lose hope. And I never lose hope.

Still, I don't wanna believe that you left me without at least shooting me a cold glare or giving me your phone number (via letter of course- I'm not _that_ hopeful) or something...Then again, you _are_ Lukas "Ice Queen" Bondevik, so I guess that's possible.

If you haven't figured this out yet (though I'm sure you have, because you're the "chess playing genius" type), I've had a lot of time to think about stuff. But now, instead of sitting around - _drumroll please_ \- I'm gonna write what I'd do if you were still here.

I'd take work off for a night just so I could see you in person, because you've made it clear that you're not going to take the initiative to see me in person yourself. I'd tell you how I deliver your letters every day and I'd actually be able to demonstrate it instead of just write about it. I'd let you try a sip of beer from my bomb-ass lego thermos and probably steal a ton of licorice cake from your house when I decide to invite myself over.

I'd keep calling Emil "the Steil Wheel" until he actually made good on his threat and I'd push him around in his wheelchair until you yell at me to stop (if, you know, I still had my arms). Speaking of stopping, I wouldn't stop with my cheesy puns and stupid nicknames, because I know that somewhere, deep down, you actually find them to be pretty clever and funny. I'd let you critique my epic stories, even though I know that's a big mistake since you basically live off making me feel terrible about my life choices.

Finally, I'd tell you about the first time someone I love left me because I made a stupid mistake, and then I'd reassure you that everything's okay with them now, even though I'm sure you wouldn't share your concern on the surface (Genuine Lukas sightings are rare, after all). And, most of all, I wouldn't have to tell you about the second time someone I love left me, because they'd be right there next to me, detachedness and all.

 **I'm most definitely, undeniably in love with you,**

 **Mathias Densen**

* * *

"You have a customer, stupid."

I jerk out of my letter-writing induced daze, startled by the monotone voice and generally mysterious aura of the person in front of me. The scenario seems all too familiar, which makes a lot more sense once I actually decide to _look up_.

The amazingly-styled blond hair, the dull blue eyes, the tie and briefcase...It's most undeniably Luk- _wait_. Is that a _smirk_?!

Well, apart from the smirk, it's most undeniably Lukas.

For a few seconds, his eyes scan over the Norwegian notebook, opened to the page I'd been pouring my heart and soul into just minutes ago. His lips curl downwards. "Way to make _my_ confession feel inadequate, idiot."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in and take a swig of my lego-thermos beer. "C-confession?"

"Yes. In fact, I have a coupon for 50% Danish flag boxers from a while ago that you might want to take a look at," he mutters, sliding a very familiar piece of folded paper across the stand's small counter. I unfold it, expecting to see my first letter hastily scrawled on the back, but I'm shocked to find that _it's not there_. Instead, there's only a few words written in beautifully familiar handwriting:

 **To The Dunce That Can't Handle A Week Away From Someone,**

You're an irresponsible idiot with both spending and drinking problems that can't seem to write a simple letter without tainting it with abominable wordplay...

But.

I think I love you too, stupid Dane.

 **Just don't let it get to your head,**

 **The Man On Track 17**

 _Damn_. I try to find Lukas' face as my vision blurs with joyful epic Viking saltwater, but it's nowhere to be found. I'd be afraid I was just imagining it all if it wasn't for the huge slice of licorice cake and a certain personal injury lawyer's business card sitting on a chipped plate in front of me.

 _Oh yeah, this is totally real._

* * *

 **THE END**

...cue the cliche sunset and stereotypical "end of a romance movie" guitar music, because that's a wrap! Roll credits! Work on the sequel!

Yes, you should definitely take that as confirmation that a sequel is in the works, because there's so many more things I want to establish in this story's universe. (Not sure when it'll happen, but keep an eye out XD)

I could go on for hours and hours about how thankful I am to have received such amazing responses to this story, but if you haven't noticed, we writers sometimes have problems putting things into words (its a contradiction, I know, but a true contradiction all the same). So, instead of writing all that out, I'll just contain my feelings in an ill-timed "THANK YOU!1!" like I usually do.

So, yeah...THANK YOU!1! (see, I warned you, didn't I?)

I hope you enjoyed! Be sure to read (if you haven't already, what are you doing here?), review, follow, and favorite :3

Much thanks and love and all that sugary mess,

heyashganistan (who, not ulike some reviewers, couldn't resist ending her final Track 17 author's note like a letter)


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